Never Change Yourself by Erica

Never Change Yourself by Erica - April 2021 Scholarship Essay

5 years, 1,825 days ago I was 12 years old in 7th grade. Just a short, smart, and chubby kid nobody liked. I think in my head all the time what I did something different? What if I acted differently or if I was more popular? I changed a lot in middle school, I went from a bubbly and playful girl to a girl who no longer wanted to be alive. I allowed people to get into my head and mold who I was for 3 years until I stopped listening to them. I wish I never listened to them from the start, or I took their words and ran with it. I worked even harder and stayed who I was. All in all I would simply tell myself to never change me for who people wanted me to be but for who I knew I was.
Let's rewind to 7th grade for a moment. I had just moved to Indiana just before my 6th grade year, I was previously from Michigan. I didn't know anyone and I moved to a small town called Demotte. I attended Kankakee Valley Middle School now the high school, but I never anticipated it to go as it did. I had a hard time making and keeping friends throughout my entirety of middle school. I let people use me, I thought maybe if I did their homework like they asked or got them things that maybe they would be my friend. Yet, at the end of the day they were the ones to give me the most hate. I can say I was called every name in the book. I am Hispanic, and I was only of the only Hispanics in my school. There was maybe 10 in total. I was not liked very much because of my race and because of my weight. I am not a "skinny" girl I am overweight and I know that. It's something I am not proud of but it is me. In 7th grade I was pushed, hit, name called, and was told to kill myself almost everyday. I understand middle school kids are rough and like to nit-pick but to me this was more than nit-picking and it cut deep.
Fast forward to 8th grade, everything seemed to double. I was getting ready to become a freshman, and the bullying just got worse. It got so bad that my parents had to go to the police about it because my guidance counselor said she couldn't put it as bullying when I was "bigger" then the kids that bullied me. Hence I was fatter then them so I should be fine if they tried to physically fight me. I just become more quiet, kept to myself. Everyone noticed the change; especially my parents. I have been working hard ever since. Now I'm 17, a senior in high school with a 3.9 GPA. I've learned to just be myself and not care who's watching me or judging me.
I lost myself for years and I wish I never tried to change myself for people. It is something I will forever regret. I ruined so many good things because I was sad. There is nothing wrong with being different. Being different is what makes everyone unique and their own person. There's a saying I like to tell myself, "You showed me I have reasons I should love myself." That quote shows me all the things that are different about me are the reasons I should love about me and that's okay. I hope I never change myself like I did 5 years ago. An I hope to stay me for as long as I can.