The Books I Read Scare People by Emma

The Books I Read Scare People by Emma - May 2023 Scholarship Essay

November 13, 2020, was the day that my friend told me that he was going to kill himself. I remember him telling me all the details of how he was going to kill himself, where, and how it was going to be a statement. I also remember him telling me that I was going to be the reason that he was going to kill himself; that I was the first name in his suicide note. Looking back on it, all I ever remember doing for him was telling him what a good person he was and how he would be missed my many, including myself if he were to kill himself. Yet, nothing I said seemed to help him and nothing seemed to make anything better. I didn’t know what else to do, at the time I was only 13. During that time of my life, I realized that I had a passion for psychology, and it interested me because I would be able to help people. I struggled with mental health myself and I knew that psychology would put me on the path to help more people who struggled the same way that I did. Since 9th grade, I knew that my only path that would make sense for me would be to become a therapist.
I have continued my interest in psychology by reading books about psychology and psychological disorders as well as taking a psychology course offered by my high school. These books that I would read for my own enjoyment, scared those around me. One of them, Bad Men Do What Good Men Dream discussed different parts of different mental disorders and related it to what good men--people--do and think. This book scared many people around me, but I found it to be fascinating. A book about forensic psychology, one of my favorite interests that used to scare me immensely, was a little less scary. It didn’t seem as polarizing as I used to think it was, maybe it would be something I could actually do with my life. I wouldn’t be going the route of forensic psychology because I am more focused on helping people who are struggling with mental health differently, but I still will continue learning more about forensic psychology in the future.
I believe that it has been my calling to help people because it combines my passion of helping as well as psychology. All I have ever wanted to do, ever since I was a little girl, was wanting to help people. I have always been the first person to volunteer to help someone when I was able to, and I want to be able to continue that in my career. I wish that I could go back to 2020 and fix everything that was happening with my friend but this time with the right materials and knowledge where it would be successful and proactive. I know I didn’t have the right materials to help him at the time, and it hurts me to think about it. I know that what I did was likely not as helpful as it would have been, and I wish that wasn’t the case. In the future, I hope that I will be able to help teenagers who are going through normal teenage things, but they do not know how to handle them. I know that being a teenager is hard, and I want to help people feel better about it.