What would I tell my past self? by Emily

What would I tell my past self? by Emily - September 2022 Scholarship Essay

For some the answer to this question may be simple...pay attention to your grades. Have fun. Don't give up. Things will get better, just give it time. For me though I find this question a little more complicated to answer. If I had to pick a clear cut answer it would be don't lose track of your true self. You are going to go through life altering experiences that will grab you and shake you and make you believe how unworthy you are when in reality, it's not true. Everyone is going to tell you "you're too nice" and they're going to say it almost as an insult, but even if they are trying to be insulting, don't take it that way. Being kind and helpful to everyone is one of our core values and you can't give that up just because people have an easier time stating what they want. While I say this though I want to also tell my past self to hold her ground, stay strong, don't let people walk all over you.

When I was sixteen I had the most life altering experiences. All throughout high school and end of middle school I began to develop an eating disorder, anorexia nervosa and bulimia nervosa. No one has a clear answer for what event causes an eating disorder or when exactly it happened. What I do know though is that every time someone said something to me about my body I kept this comment in a safe in my brain and began to open this safe constantly. For 2 months at the end of 2021 I was admitted into a inpatient rehabilitation facility for my eating disorder. When I finally came home I got intensely bullied and cyberbullied by accusations that were not true or spreading rumors about my eating disorder that I did not want people to know. I resulted into abusing substances because I was so lost in my disorder again and a toxic environment. This lead into alcoholism and a continuous and dangerously declining mental health. In February of 2022 I was raped. I turned 17 a month and a half after the event. I kept this secret to myself for almost 7 months and finally spoke the crushing truth.

Looking back on that year though and still dealing with some repercussions I am proud to say how I have begun to turn my life around. I was almost admitted into an inpatient substance abuse rehabilitation, but luckily through a lot of hard work I have been able to begin my recovery. My rapist is now being questioned by the police and I never have to see or talk to him again. I have been making very large steps in my recovery of my eating disorder and am now able to go back to what I love, playing sports. Playing softball and badminton for my school team. My eating disorder was trapping me from love of any kind because of my one and only desperate goal, to lose weight; to which overtime I've learned wasn't the answer to happiness.

Hold your ground. Stay strong. Don't let them walk all over you. And most importantly, don't lose track in your self. Life is hard and you will have to deal with more than most teenagers you know will have too. In the end though it will make you a stronger and more resilient person which will play the biggest role in your life long goal to work for UNICEF and help adolescents around the world get the education and gender equality they deserve. Keep looking ahead. I believe in you and you can do this. There will just be some roadblocks that'll make you take some detours but that won't stop you.