Superiority Complexes and Balance by Elaina

Superiority Complexes and Balance by Elaina - August 2022 Scholarship Essay

I have a superiority complex. Well, I had a superiority complex. At 5 years old I was already noticing that I excelled at things my peers couldn't pick up on; I was learning faster while putting in less effort. My academic career remained this way for a very long time; I was putting in less effort than the majority, yet still performing better. By the time I entered 11th grade, my GPA was a 3.89 and I had yet to receive a grade below a B (excluding my singular B-, which at the time I believed was the end of the world). The ease I'd gone through high school with thus far, combined with the complex I'd developed, led me to believe that nothing was to challenge for me, and an entire schedule full of college credit classes (quite literally 8 college level classes in one semester) would be a breeze. Unfortunately, junior year hit me like a truck.

For the first time in my life, I struggled. A lot. I had to drop AP US History at semester, with a final grade of C. I thought I was going to fail my stats class, with a grade of D. I had maybe two A's, causing my entire complex to crumble. I struggled throughout the entire year with forming the study habits I needed to even have a chance of succeeding in this class, because I had never before had to study for a class. I'd lived my life up until this point assuming that academics were a talent that I naturally had. Obviously, I was incorrect. Not only did my superiority complex end up destroyed, but so did my self-confidence, sense of identity, and mental health. While it may seem overdramatic, everything I had based myself on appeared to be inaccurate.

As a result of my chaotic junior year, I've given myself a break for senior year. I have enough credits to graduate early and also graduate with my A.A. in the spring from our local community college. With the remainder of classes I have, I've put a focus on forming good study habits, and creating a balance between my academic scores and who I am as a person. It's been shown to me that my self-worth, and my sense of identity, cannot be based on how well I'm doing academically. While I plan on making a study schedule and trying out new studying methods, I also plan on making time to do things I enjoy, with friends or alone. This way, I can continue to improve academically while also remembering that I am more than my GPA.