Eeny, Meeny, Miny, Moe by Daniela

Eeny, Meeny, Miny, Moe by Daniela - September 2022 Scholarship Essay

To my past self, who was very naive and innocent, I would advise her to make decisions wisely. Growing up as a child with only my 2 sisters taking care of me, while they were only kids themselves, is a lesson to me now. My mom would work every day, early in the morning and come home late, to make sure we had a roof under our heads and food on the table even if it meant her ignoring her own needs. My mom will always be an inspiration to me even if she chose someone else. The year 2020 was a very hard year for everyone, but to me that year was the year where my family was torn apart. My mom would soon be going out with a man and would prioritize her time with him instead of her own kids.
My 14 year old self didn’t know what to think. My sisters especially were mad and they made their decision. That decision was to leave. My oldest sister and older brother moved with my dad. The second oldest sister stayed with me and my mom. She by then had her own family, a barely newborn. I was asked who I wanted to stay with. It was my father who asked. And without hesitation I said “My Mom.” I tend to drift myself away from everyone no matter who. I stopped talking to my sisters and my brother, completely, just little words here and there. I locked myself in my room, just me and my phone. There were problems with my mom when I was under the age of 8, which was hard for me. I relapsed in a phase right when I turned 15 into a phase where I didn’t want to be in. I lost myself completely. I specifically remember when I was 9 I was sitting down and as I looked down I saw my stomach. I felt confused and wanted to make it disappear. In my eyes, I considered myself fat. I went on the day and acted the same as always. When I reached 11, I hated my body. I would go days without eating just a couple bites here and there.
My dog was blind and I would take care of her, so using her as an excuse I would lock myself in the restroom and exercise. It continued until I decided to stop. But relapsing was terrible. I would try different things hoping to get skinnier. There were times where I had thoughts that won me over, but I wouldn’t act on them. They say everyone has a guardian angel behind them, but mine wasn’t there. The ones trying to get me to eat, get out of my room, or take me to places where I enjoyed going were my sisters. They didn’t leave me. And for that I am extremely grateful towards my sisters. I specifically remember one night I asked my mom if she was coming home for the night, she responded saying yes, that night I stayed up and she never came.
As a soon 17 year old, I realized if I picked my Dad over my mom. The decision I could’ve made changed a lot of things. We see this example in Gilmore Girls. Rory instead chose her dream school, which was Harvard and was influenced by her grandparents' big love for Yale, chose Yale. All she was told by her grandfather was how Yale was an exceptional school that all the Gilmore family went to Yale. Her going to Yale didn’t turn out well, she started to make decisions that weren’t so great. By her sophomore year, she dropped out of Yale. She became jobless and stayed with her grandparents. She did later go back, but what if she chose Harvard instead? Her love for her grandparents pursued her to attend Yale. My love for my mom also pursued me to pick her over my dad. The decision I made affected me and it wasn’t directed towards my happiness.