I Have a Purpose by Colleen

I Have a Purpose by Colleen - July 2016 Scholarship Essay

You'd think growing up in a home like mine, I'd have turned out way different. Alcoholic mother and a drug abusive father. Dad hitting mom or choking her out on the couch in front of you and your siblings. Being scared to call 9-1-1 because you'd get in trouble. They never did anything when they came anyway. I didn't understand what a divorce meant when I was younger, but when my dad stopped coming around I thought I began to, until my mom started bringing around another guy that acted just like my dad. It wasn't until my mom found the strength to leave him and I started high school that my siblings and I saw some relief from that mess of an upbringing.

I was in 9th grade and my younger sister still lived with myself and my mom. I was trying my hardest to stay out of trouble by keeping myself occupied. I was making new friends and had joined the Armed Drill Team after school in addition to being in ROTC. I was doing well, keeping my grades up and was 3rd in my class, and trying to stay positive for my sister and mom.

I had to walk home one day in January of my freshman year. I called from the school office, but my mom wouldn't answer her phone. I had a long walk to my not-so-nice neighborhood and it was raining. A few or so boys were walking ahead of me and in the same direction. I eventually caught up with their pace and went ahead of them. I recognized one from middle school. Another boy was wearing bright Red pants. They followed closely behind for a couple blocks. We all crossed the street together and I wasn't think much of it because I had remembered one of them. I figured he remembered me too and that they went to my school and I felt okay. But then I felt a tug on my backpack. I turned around to look at them but said nothing and kept walking. I felt more tugs and walked faster. I heard one of them say they saw a phone in my backpack, but I didn't have a cell phone at the time. All of a sudden I was pushed down onto the cold wet ground. The boys grabbed everything out of my backpack while i was down and threw it all over the sidewalk and street. One of them kicked me and they ran ahead, making sure to call me several unkind names. Further ahead when I thought they were gone, glass bottles and rocks started to hit me and the ground where I was walking. I looked up and saw Red pants running around the corner ahead.

For some reason, no one stopped. It was raining, but so many cars drove by and no one thought I needed help. I eventually made it to my old middle school and a janitor saw how badly I was crying and offered to contact the police for me.

I was very discouraged by this incident. My grades started to slip and I wouldn't talk to my friends. No one knew what was going on except for my mom, my teachers, and the few staff members at the school who had helped with my case. Anytime I was called into the office, I would just cry. I felt unsafe and hated, and I didn't understand why this had happened to me. I became depressed and resorted to binge-eating and purging to make myself feel better. Of course it only made me feel worse, but I didn't know what else to do at the time.

One day in English, my teacher didn't start class the way she usually did. Instead she took time to explain to us that teachers were more than just that, they were mentors as well, and someone to talk to if we needed. A few weeks later of hating myself and I worked up the courage to ask that teacher if we could talk after class.

I told her everything. It made her cry. It made me cry. But telling someone how I was feeling was the best relief to what I had been going through. The built up guilt from my childhood and the self-hate state I had been in. . . it felt good to put everything out in the open. It felt good to ask for help.

She said a lot that afternoon. But one thing that has stuck with me to this day is that she told me I had a purpose. Everything that I had been through was just building up strength for what was to come. The reason I survived everything to this point was because I had a purpose way bigger than anything that had been put before me. She told me that I had so much to offer from everything that I was doing and had been through, and that hating myself wasn't worth it.

I'm much better now. I'm in college and feel like I have a real purpose in life with a great family and career ahead of me. It took a while for me to get in this place, but I'm very happy and I hope that I can instill this same message in someone else's life one day, all thanks to my teacher.