The Biggest Failure My Education and How it Helped to Shape Me by Clare

The Biggest Failure My Education and How it Helped to Shape Me by Clare - July 2023 Scholarship Essay

“I guess I’m just stupid,” I thought to myself as I received the degrading results back from my second ACT test. How often have we all thought these words when we receive disappointing results and we can’t see a way out? For myself, I know that I have thought this on more occasions than I would like to admit, yet for so long I didn’t know how to prevent them. It wasn’t that I wasn’t trying, because my grades spoke for themselves as my GPA was 3.84, yet every time I took a test, my anxious, demoralizing thoughts would take over and prevent me from achieving my goal of going to the college of my dreams. Therefore, studying for the ACT became my sole focus in life. I poured everything into it because I dreaded the thought of failure, so I held myself to high standards and beat myself up when I slipped, even by a little. This feeling left me thinking that I had no value. I thought that every time I took a test, I was just destined to mess it all up. I suffered from Impostor Syndrome which is when I doubted myself even when I showed signs of improvement. In the end, I had to retake the ACT three times, yet it was only on the third attempt that I finally achieved my goal.
As it turned out, the solution came to me in an unexpected way. Throughout my journey, I came to realize that anxiety is not something you can just eliminate with some “magical formula.” Anxiety will always be present, however, it’s what a person does with their anxiety that can make or break their performance. After receiving a dismal score back on the ACT the second time, I decided to change my approach. Instead of just hoping that my anxiety would disappear on the day of the test, the next time I prepared, I anticipated that my anxiety would be a major player on the day of my test. Therefore, I enrolled myself in an ACT prep class which helped me to build my understanding of the material. I visualized myself confidently taking the test and going through each of the problems with a backup plan in case I blanked. I made a list of all the possible things that could go wrong and came up with solutions to work around the problem. For example, I mapped out the road that I would take to drive to the test along with alternative routes in case I got lost or there was traffic. Aside from this, I made sure that in the days leading up to and including the test, I got enough sleep, I ate a well-balanced diet, and made sure not to exhaust my mind from over-studying by taking well-placed breaks. I also had my family quiz me on multiple different questions in various ways so that no matter how I was presented the material, I still knew the answer. Finally, I practiced identifying when my negative thoughts would come in and immediately switched them out for positive thoughts, such turning “I can’t understand this, therefore I must be dumb,” into “I can’t understand this, therefore, I should ask for help.” By the time the day of the ACT came, I felt more confident in my abilities than ever before. Not only that, but I found myself thinking more positively about every aspect of my life which helped my efforts even more. Who knew that conquering my test anxiety would also translate to alleviating my other anxieties in all the different aspects of my life and help to build my confidence overall?
Ultimately, when my scores came back, I had accomplished my goal of a high score. This news was not only exciting to me, but also encouraging because it meant that my idea of shifting my mentality about my anxiety was successful. If I hadn’t overcome my fears of test-taking, then it would have become a much bigger challenge to be accepted to the college of my dreams. Also, I wouldn’t have been able to get scholarships to afford college. Furthermore, not getting into college would have made it a lot harder to find a job in my chosen field given the difficult job environment we live in. Additionally, another aspect of my life that improved as a result of finding ways to work around my anxiety was Irish Dance. I have been dancing for about 13 years now, and my problems with test taking also significantly impacted my performance at competitions. However, because I persevered amidst my trials on the ACT and found solutions to my problem, I was able to succeed in both my academic goals as well as my dance goals.
In conclusion, although my anxiety over test taking may still be present from time to time, I’ve learned how to cope with that issue in a way that will help me to overcome other challenges in life. By breaking down the problem, coming up with solutions, and developing a schedule to overcome my anxiety, I fully believe that I can limit those times more and more over the years. Even though it was hard, I know that my trials have shaped me into a better person: one who can persevere amidst anxiety.