Enduring Epilepsy by Chloe

Enduring Epilepsy by Chloe - April 2019 Scholarship Essay

Sometimes memories come back to me when I’m least expecting them. I’ll walk past a restaurant and get a whiff of something that smells like my grandparents' kitchen in Michigan. Then instantly, in my mind, I’m 6 years old and I can remember the picture that I was drawing while my grandma was cooking dinner. It’s beautiful really, how some moments in life are so vivid in our memory yet sad how so many are forgotten.

One memory stands out in particular. I was walking out of one of my classes when I tried to speak yet only jumbled words came out and I could no longer see straight. I sat down on the floor and blacked out. The next thing I recall is a doctor approaching me. I remember hoping that everyone was okay, wondering why I was sitting on the ground surrounded by teachers feeling groggy and exhausted. The doctor stopped where I was sitting. He asked me questions like whether I knew my name or what day of the week it was. I was startled when I realized it was so hard for me to find the answers to his basic questions.

Fast forward a few days and I was sitting in a neurologist’s office. That day I was diagnosed with epilepsy. I wasn’t that upset, honestly. In fact, I often think about the day I was released home as a good one. I laid on the couch eating popsicles and watching movies. My friends stopped by to visit me bringing balloons, flowers, and support. We laid in my bed and watched The Little Prince and I fell asleep feeling so thankful for my life.

When I went back to school though, I was struggling in my classes. I couldn’t remember math equations or history dates. I could barely piece together the plots of the books that we were analyzing in English. The multiple seizures, around six at that point, had erased parts of my recent memory. This was the year of my first AP class, World History, and I was determined to pass. I stayed after school and practiced flash cards, drawing out concepts so that they would stick in my mind. I went into school on Saturdays to join in study groups and didn’t allow myself to feel less smart than the other kids in my class who seemed to be able to recite every name that was printed in the textbook. Even when I felt defeated, I pushed through. I ended up passing the AP.
My friend recently told me that I handled that period of time in my life extremely well. I realize that my positivity through it all is what helped me remain content during such chaos. I remember all the late nights reading over notes that I didn’t remember taking and all of the discouraging moments when I would get back a test with a lower grade than expected or be reminded to attend
tutorials after school. I never let them consume me.

My epilepsy taught me to take life as it occurs and appreciate everything, good or bad. One day when I’m older I’ll look back on when I didn’t do well on my math test or that really fun day I spent with my friends and I will remember exactly how I felt in those moments. Or maybe I won’t. That’s the thing about life; you don’t get to choose exactly what you will recall, but if you make each moment meaningful to you and you work as hard as you can to achieve your goals, then you will feel fulfilled regardless of what you remember in the end.