The Unexpected by Carter

The Unexpected by Carter - April 2022 Scholarship Essay

On the fundamental level, volunteerism requires a sacrifice of our most precious resource: time. We are driven by the demands of time. It is the central yet ominous currency we use to place value on our priorities, more so than what we do with money. Unlike money, time cannot be returned despite all efforts. And so it is our use of time that determines what we truly value above other pursuits of life.
I spent over two and a half years at my church’s student ministry. When I joined, I could not help but have certain expectations with the job. I was dedicating multiple hours a week forming relationships with high school students: meeting on Wednesday nights for praise and small groups, going to their games and meets, having hangouts outside of church, seasonal retreat weekends, and simply being invested in their lives. I had romanticized the idea that the junior and senior boys and I would almost immediately become friends. I would be like the “cool college guy” whom they trusted with the real struggles of growing up. They would ask the hard questions and deeply ponder my input. We would have a full scrapbook of happy memories as well as an impressive list of deep, heart-to-heart conversations that always ended with both parties feeling understood, connected, and encouraged.
While I did not recognize it at the start of my time in the ministry, I realize now that what I was searching for was validation. I assumed these high schoolers were as equally excited to form relationships as I was with them. The only “hard parts” were going to be the tough stuff they were going through; the rest of the time we were just going to be loving Jesus and serving one another. Essentially, I was expecting to leave each youth group night more spiritually and emotionally filled than when I walked in.
I was challenged with the fact that growing up is difficult, even if I had lived through these stages myself. During the small group portion of Wednesday night, the students were notoriously silent. Whenever my co-leader and I would reach out, we were lucky to get a one-word response from any of them. Never mind talking about the realities of going through their parents’ divorce, getting catfished online, deaths in the family, or the spiritual implication temptations. In reality, I only learned about how much they did not like school. As a leader, I constantly questioned if my presence in the ministry was beneficial at all.
It was because of this teenage resistance, however, I learned more about what it means to serve than in any other way. Even though I had an honest desire to give back to those younger than me, I had a more insidious and ugly motive as well. I still wanted to make the program about me, how I felt, how I was perceived in the group. It was like I had these strings attached to my service that even I did not realize was there.
Needless to say, I was humbled beyond my belief when things did not go as planned. I would drive home every Wednesday night struggling to explain what was essentially my own selfishness and pride masked with good works. It is not the responsibility of the ones we help to conform to our expectations, but the duty of the volunteer is to be as helpful as possible regardless. These students were coming from different backgrounds, and walking into church on Wednesday nights may have been all they could do most of the time. I learned my expectations were hindering my ability to be present with those around me. My heart was not willing to fully commit with joy because I feared my own form of rejection. If I am going to contribute, my pride has to see its way out every day.
Volunteering forces us to get uncomfortable. We learn more about ourselves when the paycheck is not present or the mission isn’t what we instantly recognize. It is a stretching process in many ways. And we are blessed more when someone else receives our direct, tangible care. My efforts to “be there” for the students may not always produce the desired effects. But more is happening than what meets the eye. My desire to help may not always be fully appreciated. But the benefits still abound. Whether the program is as successful as desired or not, volunteering is always time well spent.