High School Scaries by Caroline

High School Scaries by Caroline - November 2023 Scholarship Essay

High School Scaries.
OSDGNOEGNNODIFNWIQDBUNIFEWON. The letters before this sentence are unexplainable. You can look at them for a really long time, break them up into pieces, or even analyze them to see if there is some sort of underlying message. But in the end, you are just confused and slightly weirded out. This embodies the feelings of many high school seniors, including myself. Confused, scared, excited, and curious are all feelings that I have felt since senior year started 3 months ago. Going into the last year of childhood school can feel extremely uncertain, especially when there is no distinct plan of what exactly comes next. So many people like to share their two cents on what they feel is best for the future that you are going to live. With opinion after opinion about so many things and places and careers, sometimes students just need to take a breath and figure it out on their own. This was the case for me. A blank slate that was my future, completely up to me on how to decorate it with the life that felt suitable for me. With a brother who did not graduate high school, or go to college, I put pressure on myself to be the star child who did everything perfectly normally so everyone could be proud of me. I struggled with undiagnosed ADHD for the first 16 years of my life, so I found school to be difficult and uninteresting. I enjoyed learning when I could, but many times it was so difficult for me to focus that it felt like everyone was speaking a foreign language.
There were many times when I questioned if working hard and going to college would even be worth it in the end. I toured numerous colleges, and heard so many spiels about why each college wanted me. I thought it was all marketing, and these people were just trying to make it feel comfortable and exciting to start a whole new life. This nervous and bitter attitude about my future went on until one random October day. I had found ‘the one’. Not a romantic interest, or a career that I had dreamed about since elementary school, but a college that felt like home to me. It was from this moment on that I wanted to go to college and do whatever it took to get there. Soon after, I was diagnosed with ADHD, and got the help that I needed to be able to focus and do well on school again. The mix of these two things happening at the beginning of my junior year created a new fire in me that was eager and excited to grow and better myself. I found a new love for learning and started getting excited to go to school, so I could do well and have the future that I once thought was just a fantasy. I began to explore career options and try to imagine myself in these amazing jobs that I never had the confidence to even consider before.
As my senior year came up I was extremely nervous, and the old me started to try to creep back in. Opening the application website felt like watching a scary movie, any sudden movements and it could all be messed up. The first breath of relief came when the application was submitted. At this point, it was out of my hands and there was nothing I could do about it. The days went by at the pace of a snail while waiting to hear back. Until one random Friday morning when I opened up my computer to the school's portal, and a big animation of the school's logo started flashing on the screen. I was so confused, and thought I had clicked the wrong button, until a screen popped up. “There is only ONE Caroline, Congrats on your admission!” I was elated and let out another sigh of relief. There were many many times when I questioned myself and my ability to do this, and if it was even something I wanted to do. This moment took away all the stress and anxiety and opinions of others. It was at this moment that I decided to go to college and do great things because of the opportunities and excitement that was ahead.