You Are Not Who You Think You Are by Caitlin

You Are Not Who You Think You Are by Caitlin - April 2016 Scholarship Essay

Growing up in my house, higher education was never really emphasized. My father was a college graduate, and my mother had some college experience but ultimately decided that higher education was not for her. When I was going to school, if I did well on a test or homework assignment, it seemed my parents would genuinely but unenthusiastically say, "That's great," and then go back to what they were doing. When I performed poorly on an assignment, my parents seemed to shrug it off. Back then, I thought my parents were awesome for being so relaxed with me. Several times, I heard my friends say, "My parents grounded me because my grades weren't good" and I'd say with a big smile on my face, "My parents don't care about my grades!" My friends would all be jealous and say, "Lucky..." It wasn't until much later, I realized how the perceived lackadaisical attitude of my parents affected me and my attitude towards education.

Once I graduated from High School, I thought that college wasn't for me. I had gone through high school with average grades believing myself "too stupid" to achieve A's. College? No way, that was way out of my league. I started working and got a great job with incredible benefits. After a couple years at the same job, which I really loved, I found myself in a deep depression about where I was in life. I felt dissatisfied with who I was, where I was living, who I was with... you know, the normal quarter-life crisis. After a messy break-up, and my lowest point in self-confidence, I moved back home to live with my parents and to go to the local community college; the ultimate humiliating scenario. I decided if I was going to go back to school, and earn a degree, I would go all the way by being a full-time student throughout the year, Spring/Summer/Fall, until I graduated.

I worked my tail off. I took my most hated subjects first so I could get them quickly out of the way. All throughout the semester I just kept kicking myself for not going to school sooner. I felt so old in comparison to the other students (even though I was only 21 at the time). I also doubted myself the entire time. Often I thought to myself, “I'm not smart enough for this. I didn't get good grades in high school, why would I subject myself to this all over again?” It was also going to take forever to get a "stupid Degree" that I didn't even want. Finally, the semester was over, and I received my final grades. All A's. Not A minuses... A's. I was shocked. Completely surprised. I am smart! No, not smart, intelligent. I had proven myself wrong.

My advice to the next generation of higher education students? Surprise yourselves. If you think you're too dumb, unmotivated, too old, or you think college isn't for you, I challenge you to prove yourself wrong. I understand that college isn't for everyone, and if that's the case, that's okay. However, if you, for a moment, count yourself out because you think you know your own limitations, that's the moment you'll wish you could go back to and change years later down the road. You'll hear from a vast multitude of people that you're not good enough for a variety of different things; don't add your own voice to those numbers. Don't be your own enemy. Challenge everything you thought you knew about yourself. You're better than that even if you don't believe you are.

I also told myself, "I can't go to school full-time, that would be too difficult, I know my limits." I was in school full-time throughout my entire collegiate career. I also said, "I will NEVER work full-time and go to school full-time, that would be WAY too hard. I don't know how other people do it." Yeah, I did that too. In my experience, the more you tell yourself that you can't do something, the more capable you are to accomplish that very same supposedly insurmountable task. You are more capable and competent than you give yourself credit for. You are not who you think you are, I guarantee it.