Becoming a new person by Bruce

Becoming a new person by Bruce - November 2016 Scholarship Essay

In kindergarten, I was bullied. It traumatized me and I changed from being a positive kid, to a silent, negative one. And I grew up living in my silent ball, protecting myself against another attack: only focusing on school and reading, shutting out everyone else. Yet by 6th grade, I wanted to shed this shell and find new friends that would know me as a different person, better than my previous version. So, I changed school to enter middle school. However, to my disappointment, most of my elementary school classmates followed the same path and so we were all still together in the same classes. I did not feel confident enough to be a new person, so I stuck to the same form I was comfortable wearing.
This experience of wanting to change and not being allowed to, continued through high school and I still think my current classmates see me as the negative nerd in class. It hurts. I try to be funnier, focus less on the negatives and more on the positives, and yet my persona for most of my life will not disappear. This is why I am thankful for the college experience.
At college, I can be myself and no one will remember the previous personalities that I used to wear because most of my classmates will be brand new to me. Of course, this is a little terrifying to consider since I will have no familiarity with anybody. And I guess I have to admit that wanting to be surrounded by a whole new crowd is a double-edged sword. But I doubt I could find myself in any other environment. In a job, I would only see myself as the smart guy on the job. No change. Staying home would keep me comfortable in my shell, and I would not have to grow. Still no change. So I need college: for the job education but mainly for the new scenery.