A Worried Brain by Benjamin

A Worried Brain by Benjamin - July 2023 Scholarship Essay

What are they saying about me? I always thought this throughout middle and high school. Do I look weird today? I always asked myself. Growing up, I always felt a bit left out and as if I was doing something wrong. This became what I thought about 24/7. I tried so hard to fit in that I was worrying more about the people around me than I did about the teacher and the assignments I was given. I began to do things that were unlike myself. I started picking on some of the students in my class. It was almost as if I was filling a void. For a split second, I felt in control, but in reality, I knew I never was. My entire goal was to be the class clown. I caused so much trouble and disruption that my parents were often called. All of this was because I cared too much about what my classmates thought about me. It became my demise, and it was not until I had crossed the line that I realized that I was so far from being myself.

I went to church on a Sunday morning and listened to what the sermon had to say. It was about being leaders and treating others as brothers and sisters in Christ. This hit me. Why would I make fun of someone who God created in his image? Picking on others was not the right thing to do, and I realized I had been an awful human being. That next Monday, my teacher asked me to stay after school and talk to her. I was unsure of what was going to happen. She told me that she could tell something was wrong after having me in her class. She noted that I had not disrupted class that day nor said anything hurtful to the other students. At that moment, I could not help but just cry. It felt like the weight of the world was on my shoulders. It felt like everything bad I had ever done sparked my mind.

That day I gave my life to Christ, for he was who could fill that void in my heart. I ended up being baptized a few weeks later. From this low point in my life, I learned that worrying about what others think is one of the worst things you can do. It leads you to do things you do not normally do and to become someone you are not. Since then, I have been thriving. By making friends with everyone that I can, I learned that everyone has a unique purpose. Everyone was made lovingly. Since not worrying about what others think about me, I have become a better person and Christian. It is through these things I have now found the kind of person I want to be.