Focus Equals Direction by Bailey

Focus Equals Direction by Bailey - July 2016 Scholarship Essay

It was soon after Christmas break when I was sitting in room 226 with Mr. Chuck Brittain at the podium lecturing about not loosing our focus for the upcoming AP English exam. He reminded us that even though there will be an abundant of different things being thrown our way, we have to keep our eyes on the prize. As everyone else seemed to be slipping into a daze, I was sitting at my desk intently, amazed at the words he spoke.
"It all starts in your head with your thoughts. All it takes is one- one spark to start the fire, one step to start your journey," he beamed at his class. "Where you put your focus is where you're going to go."
He didn't know it at the time, as a matter of fact he still doesn't know it to this very day, but that last sentence hit me like a ton of bricks.
My family had spent Christmas Eve and Christmas day in the hospital with my 21 year old autistic brother, Bradley. He had overdosed on pills of mine that I had so inconsiderately left out on the bathroom counter. After days spent in the hospital room looking at this boy's grey, cold skin and motionless body, we couldn't help but wonder if it would ever come to life. After a long recovery, color filled Brad's lips and warmth was brought back to his body. Even though his struggle was over, mine was just beginning.
I was now back in school with the same old routine, trying to pretend like nothing ever happened, and I was okay. But I couldn't help but keep replaying that day in my mind.
I was home alone with him. I heard him in the bathroom, and it woke me up from my slumber. But I didn't think anything of it. I just put my head back down on my pillow, and I was out like a light. But as my eyes were closed little did I know what was going on in the room less than 10 feet away from me when my brother took more than 10 times the amount of pills a human body should ingest at a time. I was supposed to be watching him, and I let this happen to him.
"What if I would have just got up for one minute to check on him? I could have prevented so much pain and heartbreak for my family," I would constantly think to myself days after the incident.
But that day, when my English teacher said those words, I knew it was time to forgive myself. If I kept focusing on what I could have done I wouldn't be able to focus on what I should and could be doing at that very moment to change things for the better. No matter how many times you keep playing a movie over in your head, it's still going to end the same way. You already know the ending so stop trying to change it. And I can stand here today firmly saying that that's the best life lesson I have ever heard in my entire life. Who would've thought AP English exam would bring such healing!