Physical Pain with Mental Gains by Ava

Physical Pain with Mental Gains by Ava - December 2022 Scholarship Essay

Life is full of lessons - in any choice we make, there are consequences. Whether negative or positive, these effects can help us to better understand and connect with the world around us and others. In the past year, one of the greatest lessons that I’ve learned is how to be vulnerable.
Growing up, I was the only girl in my family and had three brothers. Because my brothers are close in age to me, my parents treated us all alike. As such, I’ve played sports my entire life and have built up mental toughness through the mindset of “I can walk it off” when I am in pain. I’ve played softball and basketball games with swollen, sprained ankles; mild concussions; and bursitis in my knees. Strength can be a weakness.
This past cross country season, I began feeling a deep, dull ache in my right hip. Running is my favorite sport, so I was devastated when less experienced runners on my team began beating me in workouts and races when I knew I was faster. Halfway through the season, my condition worsened - I would limp during my runs, consume ample ibuprofen in between, and try various physical therapy treatments. Despite my protestations that I was fine, my coaches reduced my training load. My team made it to state and placed ninth, but I ran the worst race of my life. Clearly, there was a significant problem.
Following state cross country in October, basketball conditioning and practices started. After nearly crying during sprints because my leg was throbbing, I had to admit to my basketball coach that something was the matter. This is my senior year, and I already struggled during the fall, so I felt incredibly frustrated. Sitting out and simply watching practice began two weeks ago, I’ve missed three games, and I’m still in pain. Next week, I am getting an MRI because it is likely that I have a stress fracture in my femur or a torn labrum. If either is the cause, I won’t be able to play at all this season and might be out for softball as well.
This experience has taught me the importance of acceptance and vulnerability. If I had articulated that I was in pain a few weeks sooner than I did, I might not be in as much discomfort as I am now. Sleeping, sitting, walking, and standing all produce pain in my hip, and I realize now that my own stubbornness and pride of pushing through injury has sidelined me longer. Cross country pained me, but practicing basketball for nearly two weeks crippled me further because of the constant speed, pivoting, jumping, etc.
Overall, I think that the biggest lesson I’ve gained from this is that acknowledgement of a problem is not weakness. I didn’t want my teammates, coaches, or parents to be disappointed in me, so I made myself continue grinding; now, I might need crutches for a few weeks. I’ve also practiced vulnerability in that I’ve shared with others how I feel about all of this: all of the guilt, laziness, and boredom. As someone who is reserved, I don’t often tell others of my issues because I don’t want to be burdensome, but I think it has been healthy for me to be able to express myself. In the next year and other years to come, I feel that I will be more attuned to myself and be able to slow down and gather myself when necessary, since I became injured through ignorance in the first place. This will hopefully carry over to all aspects of my life and help me to better open up to others.