Gaining Autonomy by Aubrey

Gaining Autonomy by Aubrey - May 2022 Scholarship Essay

Growing up as the only Asian (and one of the few children of color) in a predominantly white school community, I struggled with the idea that due to my ethnicity I would never be the desirable character, but only be seen as a studious, quiet member of the model minority. My color and appearance used to limit the amount of inclusion I received from my classmates. At recess, I was only allowed to participate in playing pretend if there was a character who looked like me: when they played princesses I was always Mulan and when it was fairies I was always Silvermist. If there was no oriental looking character, I was given any character who had darker skin. I soon learned to internalize this placement, but with this, I also learned to limit myself.
It wasn’t until my last year in middle school that I woke up from this misgiving illusion. I was in the middle of stepping away from a toxic friend group whose attention I had based my self worth on. Exhausting my loyalty, I’d do whatever they’d ask in order to make them smile. I would even add on to their racist jokes, joking about how my eyes stretched wider and that this quality gave me 360 vision. As these quips continued to blow past my ears, I began to notice something internally. I felt as if I was lying to myself every time I made one of those jokes and sometimes I even wanted to cry when they made them. I knew I was putting myself in the line of fire.
Breaking off the cuff of devotion my ‘friends’ had so blindly abused, I gained autonomy over who I was and could be. I learned that stereotypes don’t limit what I can achieve— I do.