I Wish My Name Was Eleanor by Ashley

I Wish My Name Was Eleanor by Ashley - February 2016 Scholarship Essay

Over 18.25 years of life, I’ve written and read a lot. Through two creative writing classes, a creative writing camp, writing and delivering five sermons, participating in National Novel Writing Month, college essays, AP English papers, poetry slams, and reading multiple books at a time, I can safely say that I spend most of my time with words. That’s a lot of names, verbs, poetic phrases, vivid descriptions, and opinions.
During the second semester of my freshman year of high school, I took Creative Writing I. Having to constantly create names for characters, I made a list on my IPod Touch of pretty and quirky names, mostly for girls, and used it for easy reference. Names like Alexandria, Kendra, Julianna, and Eleanor made the top of the list-- names that I secretly wanted those names to take the place of my own. I wanted my name to be Eleanor. But I also want to meet Eleanor. Eleanor Roosevelt, of course.
Through primarily my college essays, sermons, and obsession of inspirational quotes to help get me through, I’ve realized I’m basically obsessed with Eleanor Roosevelt. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve used her quote “You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”
This quote entails my life and my values. Through dealing with mental health issues and the ongoing pursuit of faith and therapy, I’ve realized how the scariest things we do to better ourselves and our lives make up the important transitions and key points. Without pushing ourselves or allowing ourselves to be afraid, we don’t really experience some of the valuable epiphanies and find the best perspective of life. Once I gained this knowledge, I wanted to share it; I wanted others to feel how the right inspirational quote and hope within that feels.
To do so, I began preaching at my church. I’ve written and performed sermons five times now: four for Youth Sunday, and one as a fill-in for the preacher. While I always end up feeling proud and content about what I’ve done and how I’ve done it, I can never fight the gnawing feeling in my stomach or stop my shaking, cold fingers beforehand. During that period, I just have to keep in mind that preaching and spreading positivity plays a part in my purpose here on Earth, and I have to push past the fear to help people. The fear is always worth it, and through my experience, I can prove the validity of Eleanor’s statement. I’ve gained strength, courage, and confidence after looking at fear (aka hundreds of people and the sermon I attempted to memorize) in the face. I know that I will be fine because I’ve done it before. I know that I have to do what makes me fearful.
Eleanor Roosevelt also held many of the same goals and aspirations as I do. We both believe in standing up for what we believe in and not letting men always take the reins. We stand as strong, independent women set on making a change through our words to others. These reasons embody why if I could eat dinner with any historical figure, I would choose Eleanor.
I want to know what it was like her to face public adversity about her opinions, to take a stand even though it was her husband who was President, and to push past the fear of making herself heard despite being a woman in the early 1900s. I want to know the way she thinks and listen to her talk about her passions. I want her specific advice to me in how to follow in her footsteps most effectively. Eleanor Roosevelt epitomizes an intriguing woman with a story to tell. But, even if I won’t be able to have dinner with Eleanor or steal her name as my own, I can take what she left the world and use it to go forward. That’s what she would have wanted; that’s what really matters.