"My Babies" by Ashley

"My Babies" by Ashley - June 2024 Scholarship Essay

Waking up early on a Sunday morning thinking I'm the only one awake, I hear small footsteps behind me “ashley tengo mucha hambre” my little cousin murmurs half asleep. Placing her in my arms as she begins falling asleep again. Soon after I head into the kitchen and begin to cook enough food for eight mouths. As our huevo con salchicha is still sizzling in the old rusty pan, I go and call for them individually. They begin to trickle in one by one taking their unofficial assigned seat. Kimmy, Nana, Kelly and Wendy take a seat at the table, while Jonny, Alan, and Bryan sit on the couch using their laps as a table. As they have finished one by one they head outside to enjoy the cool morning breeze. I don't receive this privilege as I stay inside having to clean up after them. As i begin to tackle the dirty dishes i drop a ceramic mug gifted to me by nana, my favorite mug, “Best Cousin” it read with tacky pink letters and hearts and stars all over, oh no i whisper as i run to get the nearest broom at the same time kimmy waders back in sniffling and holding back tears, “me calli” she says no longer being able to hold back tears, immediately put her in my arms and try to sweep with the other.

Being the Oldest sibling in a family can truly be one of the most emotionally scarring yet rewarding challenges one can come face to face with, however, also having to juggle being the eldest cousin and having to raise and act as an example for those under you is twice the reward and punishment. Being from a Mexican household we are very family driven, always wanting to watch out and take care of those around us and especially those that are younger than us. My mother and aunts were constantly busy working, trying to make sure we always had a roof over our heads. So whenever we didn't have school or any extracurricular activities I was in charge of taking care and watching over all my siblings and cousins. At the moment I truly only ever saw it as a curse, having to give up part of my life to raise someone else's children. This was most prominent during covid, my freshman year starting high school, while trying to juggle the responsibilities of acclimating to the new way schooling would be while also having to take care of everything “my babies” needed. At a certain point I didn't know what to do, I was not doing well in any of my classes, having very little time to truly work on what I needed. I barely had any time for homework in between cooking, cleaning and looking after them. Overall my priorities had shifted at the time. I was now more worried about giving them what they wanted and what they needed than what I needed. However as we all grew older it was much easier for the older ones to help me out in watching the younger ones. Eventually it had reached a point where I was no longer overwhelmed with the thoughts and stress of having to watch over my babies. At this point I was truly able to catch up in school and get back to where I was academically. Even though I saw raising my cousins and siblings as a burden, now I truly believe they are the reason for who I am today. The moments I spent caring and consoling them are what managed to shape and form my beliefs and led me to find ways to manage everything occurring around me.