Advice to my past self by Ashley

Advice to my past self by Ashley - September 2022 Scholarship Essay

As the eldest daughter in a Hispanic household, my childhood was fast paced in terms of my maturity. The birth of my first younger brother is what marked the beginning of my maturity. I knew that from that moment on my role as the eldest sibling would change, as I now had multiple pairs of eyes looking up to me. The rough path of slowly giving up my childlike nature in exchange for the gifted immigrant daughter, the guidance that the youngsters would need, and being the frontline for life’s challenges. It was during these time periods that I wish I had someone to look up to for guidance, except I was the guide in the course of my own life. A piece of advice I would wish to give to my past self would be to not give up being childish about small things. Being childish about small things would've been beneficial in helping me become more optimistic. I grew up faster than others, even though I should’ve been living my childhood acting like one.

As I have been getting older, I have realized that I have grown to be a pessimistic person. For the first three years of my life, I was an only child who was very childish. My parents found my behavior fitting for my personality, but their views changed once my brother was born. At 7 years old I started first grade, a time for a new beginning of exploring myself more. However, even at such a young age my parents wanted me to give it my best, but my best put my childish personality at risk of going away. The first grade me was an explorer, a cat in the wild, just someone who was intrigued by my higher grade level class. It was also where I met some of my favorite role models, my teacher and his daughter. His daughter became one of my best friends, as she was someone who was very serious in her academics. Something at the time my parents wanted me to mimic, so I did. As I moved on through my first and second grade years, third grade was where I found myself losing that child glow in my mind and soul. My parents would act like they need to know me, that they need to create me from the ground up. That building included molding me away from my childish side and into the “mature daughter” of theirs. It was NOT their job to this, it was to love who I was and which side I wanted to embrace more of.

Having to be mature at a young age caused me to revert to being childish in my teenage years, making me look like the odd one out to all of those the same age as me. When everyone was talking about celebrity crushes or what was trending, I didn’t find myself attached to any of that. I would instead find myself drawn back to the kids shows that I had to turn off to improve my writing or to take care of my younger brothers. My inner child only feeds off my childish nature now because I have let them come into my soul again. Acts like collecting my favorite toys growing up or interpreting things in a different view like a child is what could have helped nurture me to become optimistic.

Beyond me having to be mature at a young age, I would have been happy to see the stark contrast between my past and present self if I had taken my advice to heart. Things could’ve maybe not changed but I know I would’ve taken this advice to push forward because that's just who I was. Sure people, especially adults, would’ve seen my attitude as foolish but I would’ve loved to have been more optimistic than the pessimistic present me.