Acceptance by Armelanda

Acceptance by Armelanda - January 2022 Scholarship Essay

Acceptance is drowning in your thoughts trying to make it out. People tell you how to feel, you start to think to yourself what’s the purpose of everything. Getting my heart broken, I remember about being deep in my thoughts is that I always wanted the general anecdotes to work. At the same time, however, I always hated when someone would tell me one. The thing about it is that all people struggling already know these things, but it doesn’t help in any way. In fact, the thing that I found the most helpful was the stories of other people and their experiences with the same problem. About a year ago, I fell into a deep self acceptance after my breakup. Not only was my mental health affected, but my performance in school and relationships with others became somewhat strained. My friends were the first to notice a change, and they, like so many others, could only muster up the same old one liners that everyone does. It wasn’t until I met someone else that had struggled with acceptance that I began to walk the path of healing.
The relationship with my boyfriend was amazing in the beginning. Looking back on it, I still hate to say that I loved him, but when someone means more to you than anyone else, I think you could justifiably say that you loved them. Regardless, our relationship moved quickly. Meeting each other’s parents. Spending most of our time with each other. That may not have been the healthiest thing for us, but that is our history. The fallout was quick and hard. The beginning of the end wasn’t horrible. It wasn’t the breakup itself that did the damage, it was the aftermath. Struggling with accepting that it was over just like that. Unfortunately, accepting that doesn’t help much, nor does the constant “consoling” from family and friends.
Essentially, what this person is looking for is a little compassion, a little understanding. The best way to show this is by sharing a personal story of sadness or perhaps one’s own fight against being enough. This was the kind of help that I found really helpful one night when I went to a party earlier this year.We had a lot of fun that night, one boy in particular was talking about his struggle with his self worth and how he has started to have hope again for the future. Noticing something was wrong, he looked down at his hands for a moment and said this, “I don’t know what you are going through right now, but even if I did, I wouldn’t be able to tell you how to move forward. No one can. It’s your life, and however you move forward is your choice. But just know that it would break my heart knowing that you never got better. And I’m sure it would destroy those closer to you. We don’t have the right to try to save you, but don’t you think you owe it to those you love to try? Be happy for them.” “Be happy for yourself.”
At the time I just accepted with a smile what he said, but when I got home later that night his words hit me. A chill ran through my body as I played what he had said over in my mind. “Don’t you think you owe it to those you love to try?” I do, but I don’t know how, I thought. Over time, however, as I kept living, and kept struggling, I began to look deeper into those around me and appreciate the love they had for me. My friends, who still saw me as their happy friend. Friends, who see me as a companion in life’s long journey. How could I not try for these few? No, I don’t know how to be happy, but does anyone? You don’t try to be happy, you just try to be. You just live. I learned that I would be okay even if right now I don't feel okay. The boy’s words had taught me a valuable lesson: all that we, as humans, can do is rebel against life’s absurdity. We are rebels.