How to Befriend a Monster by Aria

How to Befriend a Monster by Aria - July 2016 Scholarship Essay

I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was being stalked by a monster when I entered high school. It had me looking over my shoulder, hoping I’d go another day unnoticed. Its presence was strongest when I crossed quads full of strangers and when teachers called, “Go find a partner!” It smelled my insecurity. Devoured it. Grew from it. And I kicked myself for not having the courage to do something every time I caught it lurking in the halls. But I was voiceless in its shadow, and I didn’t know how to pull myself out of its trance, to plead to the nearest stranger, “help me.”
So I fed it my fears and insecurities, allowed it to coax me into the destructive game of popularity and followed it down a path of conformity until one of my teachers broke me out of my selfish trance. He was the first to make me question my fears and to teach me how to hold my vulnerabilities with pride rather than shame––the first to teach me true introspection. When he made me realize the power my monster held over my life, I was finally able to see that I’d missed the most obvious cliche truth: that everyone had some type of monster on their tail. Some were tiny and starved––almost unnoticeable. Others were twice the size of mine, colored hot pink and speckled with neon lights.
With the guidance of my teacher, I started reaching out to people whose monsters stood out from the rest in hopes of helping both myself and them. As my acquaintances grew, I noticed the silhouette in my wake slowly shrink. When it melted to the height of my shoulders, its shadow was no longer large enough to consume me. I was breaking free.
However, my monster still hasn’t disappeared. I’ll sometimes accidentally overfeed it, and it’ll inch its way back to my shoulders. On other days, it’ll starve and humbly retreat to a knee-height stance. I’ll never completely break away from it–– no one ever does. But these monsters are a part of us, a part of life. My teacher taught me the unforgettable skill of managing and befriending my monster, and of gaining the ability to see its presence as a strength instead of a weakness. Out of everything anyone has ever taught me, this will always prevail as the most timeless lesson of all.