Heavy burdens by andrea
andrea's entry into Varsity Tutor's September 2022 scholarship contest
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Heavy burdens by andrea - September 2022 Scholarship Essay
I always admired my dad. He was athletic, strong, and not scared of anything. He was my hero. But over time that image started to fade. Truths were revealing themselves. The perfect image I had of my father was slowly starting to break. That image started to break at a very young age. I was 4 when he did the biggest betrayal of my life. My dad was cheating on my mom. But that was not the worst thing. When my mom would go to church he would take us to the lady he was cheating on my mom with. As a 4-year-old, I was gullible and I was easy to manipulate. He would tell me, “if you want to keep seeing Lidia Marcus you can't say anything to your mother”. I liked the lady, she was fun and I became fond of her. So I simply agreed. Now that I'm 17 years old I don't remember her face but I do remember the memories I have with her. We would go to the beach together, to the mall, to the park, to my house, and we went on road trips together. She would hold my hand as if she was my mom. But it all went downhill when my little sister called her and started singing happy birthday to the lady. My dad started to scream at her. My dad had a furious look on his face as if he was the one who we betrayed. Since that day we never saw the lady ever again. I told my mom all about it and she made sure it won't happen again. Over the years my dad has not changed at all. He keeps destroying that hero image. When I was 6 that's when I realized what my mom has been going through alone. That's when my eyes opened up. How my dad is actually in real life. My dad is an alcoholic. During the weekday he was my hero but during the weekend he was my enemy. He was someone I didn't even recognize. Having to deal with fights weekly was not fun at all. As I've grown older I rarely open up about the situation. But when I do talk about it my dad makes fun of my “trauma” and that I'm being too sensitive about the topic. Because that's what all men do. There was a point in my life where I blamed it all on myself. I kept asking myself why I didn't say anything to my mom at the time. Why did I respect Lidia Marcus so much? Why did I stay quiet? I have not forgiven my dad yet. But I have forgiven myself. The piece of advice to my younger self would be that it is not your fault. To forgive me. Because it really wasn't. But back then I was just so blind to see the culprit. I began to think it was my fault for everything. I started way back before my birth as well. “If only I were not born my mother would not have to live like this”. I was just carrying a huge burden on my shoulders. But I have grown into a better person and now I know a kid would never take the blame for the actions of the adults. Mostly if I only lived for 4 years.