If I could go to the past and stop somewhere, where would it be? by Ana

If I could go to the past and stop somewhere, where would it be? by Ana - January 2019 Scholarship Essay

In all my years of the life I’ve lived, never have I regretted a single thing I’ve done. At times, there are moments in my life where my world felt as if it were falling apart because of the choices I myself, have made. When I was a little kid I loved school so much, but it changed when I started high school. Over the years I noticed something that’s affected my thoughts about school, which was my so called “peers” or “friends”. A belief of mine is everything happens for a reason, but If I had the opportunity to travel back through time, I would stop at my freshman year.
Excitement was all I could think about, starting off as a freshman at Eagle Point High School. My first semester was a breeze, almost straight A’s. I didn’t quite understand what the high school students, who came and gave “high school advice”, were talking about when saying it was “hard” and that you’ll lose “so many friends”. What I thought were two lies, one came true. Sooner or later I realized what was bound to come upon me for the next couple of weeks, that felt like decades.
Miscommunication was a big factor to relationships that were built upon years, but in a matter of minutes were demolished. As soon as two people I thought were my good friends, stopped talking to me it felt as if the whole world did. Everyone would just either look past me like a window or stare at me, focused, watching my every move. Excluded from every group discussion and projects. Imagine, being in a class filled with students you’ve gone to school with since elementary, not even acknowledging you as a person, while others make remarks to the whole class about you. Alone and helpless is what it felt like.
I couldn’t stand it anymore, the isolation and being afraid of whatever mockery was planned for that day in class. Skipping wasn’t an option, I had to. I was determined to do so for approximately two weeks. A river bank down the street became a safe haven for me. Listening to the water flow, to escape from a nightmare that didn’t feel like it was ever going to end. As I sat there, with tears running down my face non-stop, wondering how and why this was happening to me and no one even noticing a single thing. My world, shattered and crumbled to dust.
At this point, I just gave up hope. There was nothing I felt I could do to change the way people thought or treated me. After awhile, a very close teacher of mine noticed. He noticed the change in my drive for success...or my drive for life. I thought “finally”, I had found someone who not only helped me through such a difficult time, but also saved my life. At the time I didn’t know what exactly was going on until he told me. “That is called harassment, and it is a form of bullying,” I recalled my teacher saying.
The only regret I have about this situation is not having the courage to stand up for myself or to speak up. Other than that I’m glad it happened. I’m thankful for the events that had occurred, for I wouldn’t be the woman I am today. Strong, motivated, and filled with integrity. In the end, my goal in life is to go to college and to start a career I love. Not to have a lot of friends. They are not a forever thing, but a moment in time, is what I’ve learned.