I'm all in! by Amanda

I'm all in! by Amanda - November 2018 Scholarship Essay

My senior yearbook quote would be “I’m all in!” I’ve spent many years of my life afraid of what people might think, or afraid that I cannot succeed, but after spending over a week in the hospital with a case of sepsis, then getting diagnosed with a laundry list of obesity related problems I decided to get off the sidelines. See, I’ve been obese with lower back problems my entire adult life and that caused me to be self-limiting. For many years, until I was laying in that hospital bed, I lived my life as fully as I could, but always fearing that I wasn’t giving it all I had. After my experience in the hospital, I’m determined to live the rest of my life to the best of my capability.
Since the day I checked out of the hospital a couple of years ago, to today, I’ve been on a one-way course to a healthier life. That is not to say I’ve not had setbacks. I’ve had the weeks when I don’t watch what I eat, or go to the gym as frequently as I know I must, but I’ve still managed to lose over 70 lbs. I have a long way to go to continue my journey of health, but I see the road ahead and continue even when it is tough. The step of my journey I’m currently on is pursuing an education that can allow me to help others who are trying to find their own path to health, and at the same time hold me accountable to continuing my own journey.
On many levels I’m not a traditional college student. I’m a middle aged, homeschooling, mom, with one daughter already in college herself. I’ve “tried” school so many times that my husband sometimes feels as if I’ve been in school for the entire 20 years of our marriage. That response can be discouraging for both him and I. It takes a lot of drive to move past a class, or even a term, that wasn’t as successful as I had hoped, and I’ve had a few. Learning to balance family, homeschooling, community service time, and my own education has been an ongoing challenge. What has kept me going is something a mentor told me when I was having a hard time looking past my failures, she said she didn’t see failure, she saw someone who isn’t giving up. Now I embrace that as me.
I’m not giving up! I’m not giving up on my dreams of helping others who have faced the same struggles of feeling powerless and alone. I’m not giving up on becoming healthier. I’m not giving up on contributing to my community. I’m not giving up on finishing my bachelor’s degree, and regardless of my age, most likely continuing to my doctoral degree. Finally, most importantly, I’m not giving up on myself, or my family.
That is why I’m all in. If I wasn’t all in, I don’t believe I could succeed, and indeed, I plan on being successful. It may have taken me a long time to get to where I’m at today, but those very challenges are what make me stronger, and more able to face the challenges ahead. Determination, and grit are an important part of finishing a challenge well, and I think I’ve show that I have those qualities. It is also going to take a lot of financial support to finish my education, and every time someone helps me pursue my future I’m so grateful for their faith in me and my determination to move forward into the unknown of healthy, balanced living.