Subjectivity of the Future. by Amanda

Subjectivity of the Future. by Amanda - January 2018 Scholarship Essay

Future. It seems as if it is a simple word. Six letters, two syllables. However, for years, I have lived trepidatiously because of these six letters and two syllables. The future is inevitable, but for many it is well planned out, or at least it seems to be. My struggle with my future put me through trials that have helped develop my character and pressured me into finding my own pathway that would hopefully continue to positively impact the eventual years in my life.
The entire concept of the future had struck fear into my heart every time that I had thought of it to the point where I had to begin attempting to ignore it as a whole- an “out of sight, out of mind” situation. As a kid, the future seemed intriguing. It seemed bright, freeing, and careless. But at that point in my childhood, I had no comprehension of the anxiety that would come with the future until I had to face it. In elementary school, I was afraid of middle school. In middle school, I was afraid of high school. Once I had reached high school, I was afraid of the world. I intellectually understood that the future was inescapable, but I thought that my future would figure itself out without any help of conscious actions on my part. I learned very fast that this was not the case as my peers around me raced to their places in jobs, internships, and advanced classes. While I also partook in many of the same classes and activities, I lacked something that everyone else seemed to have. I lacked passion- lacked a future. It took me years to develop a passion, years to develop a future. But luckily, through years of both panicking and planning, I have been able to set up an educational course that will continue to aid me in future endeavors.
I believe that future is a word with multiple meanings. The set definition for future is time that is to come. However, time is always coming at a different time. It’s difficult to comprehend when written like that, but a good way to think about it is that the future that is 50 years from now is different than the future that will happen five seconds from now. The difference being that I can tell you what will be happening in five seconds from now. Frankly, five seconds from this very second I’ll be writing my next sentence in while you will be reading my next sentence. However, I cannot tell you what will be happening 50 years from now. Since there are so many different futures, I thought that it would be hard to explore my own. Nonetheless I learned the importance of trying to figure out my own future and how college can not only be foreseen in my near future, but it can also give me the tools and guidance that I will need during the further futures in my life.
It sounds cliché to say that the future is scary. But the matter of the fact is that for some, it is. I would use ‘future’ to describe my yearning to go to college because it proves that I am overcoming a fear. It proves to myself that I can do it. That fear is not forever and that strength and support will prevail in times of anxiety and uncertainty. College proves that I can proceed through the futures that will become my presents and continually achieve future goals and plans. Those six letters and two syllables go hand-in-hand with another two syllables and seven letters- college.