The Bully No One Can See by Alexa

The Bully No One Can See by Alexa - March 2017 Scholarship Essay

“Time is ticking, you’ll never be enough.” “That is your best? Ha! Good going!” “What would you call that? Trying? What a loser!” “Look at how put together they all are, you are such a mess compared to that!” “You got B+? I don’t know how you live with yourself!” “What are you doing sitting there? You should go work off those extra twenty pounds you need to lose!” “You are such a failure, just give up already.”
These words seem like those that would come from a typical bully. The unfortunate thing is that they do. It is not someone at school, work, or home though. The bully is my own brain. I am the bully. I do not hurt other people, I hurt myself. I have a mental illness, a couple actually: depression, anxiety, and obsessive compulsive disorder. These are things that I have, not things that I am. People will joke, “Wow, that’s depressing!” when something slightly downhearted happens or is said. “You’re making me anxious!” becomes a replacement phrase for “Stop, it’s really annoying.” When someone stacks papers neatly or likes to stay organized people will say “You’re so OCD!”
When I hear these phrases, it makes me upset. These people do not even understand what these mental illnesses can do to the people that have them. I used to never know what mental illnesses like these were. I used to think I was just sad, stressed, and exceptionally good at organizing. I finally became educated on all of these things and I sought help.
I had some bad experiences happen to me, and I became harmful to myself. I would look for signs in other people at school. I would glance at wrists of people I knew were struggling. I watched for those also not eating at lunch. I turned my pain into a past time. I know it doesn’t really sound right, but it is what happened. I was looking for others like me. I had a good friend who came a long side me and helped me through my harmful addiction to pain. He checked my wrists, he made me eat lunch, he called me and talked until I fell asleep so that he knew I was alright.
After I got better, I looked to help people like my friend had. I saw the signs and got them help. I talked them through panic attacks, and helped calm nerves when on the edge of an OCD episode. The mental illnesses that other people would say are hindering, actually benefit me. I am able to help other people by relating to them. I have seen some of the people I have helped move on to helping others as well. Anyone can do anything, even if it means standing up to the bully of your own mind.
Now, all of this is what I would talk about to a school-wide audience. I would like to let those who have these, and many other illnesses, know that they are not the only ones. I would educate students on what these illnesses are, not something to joke about, but something very real. I would educate on the signs, then on the ways to help. Letting them know that help is okay, that you really do not need to face the bully alone, would be a prime point. Counselors might be educated on how to handle situations with logic, but personal connection is key. I have gone to many counselors, all very wonderful people, but none of whom were able to connect with my situation. My best help was a mentor who had gone through similar struggles, dealt with similar things, and overcame the things I was trying to. I believe that students everywhere need to hear this: Whether they have these illnesses or if they are “normal”, accepting others for who they are, in spite of their illnesses and situations, can change the world for everyone.