Independent Woman by Abagail

Independent Woman by Abagail - November 2016 Scholarship Essay

Some people may say, "How can a person with anxiety also be independent?" While rare, it is possible. Even as a person with social anxiety, college has been an experience that I have been looking forward to since my freshman year of high school. I have always been a very independent individual and college has always been the light at the end of the tunnel for me.

When I was beginning my college search, one of my options was a college very far from my hometown of Lincoln, Nebraska. Arizona: where it's always hot and they watch Christmas movies on the green in December. It was my dream school. It still is. But am I prepared to be forced to meet new people and make new friends? The answer is: I have to be. Regardless about how I feel toward change, it is inevitable that I will have to make new friends at this college hundreds of miles away.

At the end of my freshman year, a good friend of mine committed suicide. As a 15 year old, I was confused and angry. Why would he do such a thing? Why would he leave us all here to grieve? It wasn't until this year when I finally realized that it was because of his relationships. He didn't have many friends, and those he did have were never there when he needed them the most.

After his death, I struggled with depression and anxiety for about two years. I hated to be around people and when I was, I was rude and closed-off toward them. Soon, I found myself spiraling down into an endless abyss of self hatred and lies. There were some days when death felt like the best option. It felt like it would be better to die than to keep living all of the lies. However, deep down I knew that I didn't really feel like this. I didn't really want to die. But I had no one to turn to. I had no one to help me through my pain and suffering because I ruined all my friendships with my sharp tongue and mean comments.

So to answer the question, "What part of a college experience will you be most thankful for, and why", I would have say that it will be the relationships that I will develop. It's always been said that college is a time to make life long friends and I hope that is something that will happen to me as well. I have finally realized that in order to heal, I need strong friends by my side. How will I get over my fear of social situations? That's an easy answer: the friends I have now and the friends I will make.