SAT Writing : Rewriting a Full Sentence
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Example Questions
Example Question #3 : Commas
The Moluccas is a chain, or archetype, of islands belonging to Indonesia. Historically, these islands were known as the Spice Islands for their abundance of nutmeg, cloves, mace, and pepper, this profundity of spices eventually drew colonial attention. Spices such as cloves, cinnamon, cardamom, anise, and pepper were particularly popular during the medieval times. In the 1600s, the Spice Wars arose as a result of competing Portuguese and Dutch interest’s in the Spice Islands. The bloody conflict ended in the deaths of many native Moluccans as well as European traders, wherefore both Portugal and the Netherlands gained and lost territories ranging from Africa and South America. For this day, strife occasionally breaks out on the islands although it is now motivated by religious and not colonial disagreements. It is located just west of New Guinea in the Pacific Ocean, and its more than 1,000 islands are home to more than 2 million people today.
How should the underlined section be corrected?
For this day strife occasionally breaks out on the islands, although it is now motivated by religious and not colonial disagreements.
For this day, strife occasionally breaks out on the islands; although it is now motivated by religious and not colonial disagreements.
NO CHANGE
For this day strife occasionally breaks out on the islands although it is now motivated by religious and not colonial disagreements.
For this day, strife occasionally breaks out on the islands, although it is now motivated by religious and not colonial disagreements.
For this day, strife occasionally breaks out on the islands, although it is now motivated by religious and not colonial disagreements.
The underlined sentence, "For this day, strife occasionally breaks out on the islands although it is now motivated by religious and not colonial disagreements," contains an independent clause (“For this day, strife occasionally breaks out on the islands”) and a dependent clause (“although it is now motivated by religious and not colonial disagreements”), so a comma must be used to separate them. A comma is also needed after introductory phrases such as “For this day.” Semi-colons can never be used to join a dependent clause to an independent clause, neither can a colon.
Example Question #381 : New Sat
There once was a shepherd boy whom sat on the hillside watching the village sheep. He was hot and exhausted fanning himself, rapidly in a feeble attempt to cool himself down. On top of that, he had never been so bored before. To amuse himself, he decided to play a joke. He put his hands around his mouth and yelled in a loud voice, "Wolf! Wolf! A wolf is chasing the sheep!”
They came running. They asked the boy, “What’s going on? Did you yell ‘A wolf is chasing the sheep?’”
The boy laughed. “It was just a joke, everyone.”
The people fumed, but they all returned to their homes.
The next day, the boy bored again decided to amuse himself again. He bellowed, “Wolf! Wolf!” Again, the townspeople came running. Once they arrived and witnessed the laughing boy, they realized they’d been tricked a second time. Nonetheless, they returned home and irritated resolved to never fall for the trick again for third time.
The next day, the boy was watching his sheep. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a wolf appeared from behind the bushes. With its teeth bared, the boy cowered as the wolf approached the sheep. Terrified, he called, “Help! A wolf! A wolf is here!” The people ignored his cries. “That mischievous boy,” they all said to one another. “He must think he can fool us again.” But not one of them came running.
No one was there to witness as the wolf ate every last sheep on the hillside, as the boy helplessly cowered behind a bush. As the boy hid, he shook his head. “I shall never fib again,” he resolved to himself.
How should the underlined section be corrected?
He was hot and exhausted, fanning himself rapidly in a feeble attempt to cool himself down.
He was hot, and exhausted, fanning himself rapidly in a feeble attempt to cool himself down.
NO CHANGE
He was hot and exhausted fanning him, rapidly in a feeble attempt to cool him down.
He was hot and exhausted fanning himself rapidly in a feeble attempt to cool himself down.
He was hot and exhausted, fanning himself rapidly in a feeble attempt to cool himself down.
Commas should be used to separate a dependent clause from an independent clause. The independent clause in this sentence is "He was hot and exhausted," while the dependent clause is "fanning himself rapidly in a feeble attempt to cool himself down." To separate the main clause from the dependent clause, a comma should be put between the word "exhausted" and "fanning."
Example Question #1 : Commas
There are two different ways to consider the so-called “Dark Ages.” On the one hand, you can think of the period directly after the fall of the Roman Empire, when civilization began to collapse throughout the Western Empire. On the other hand, you can consider the period that followed this initial collapse of society. It is a gross simplification too use the adjective dark to describe the civilization of either of these periods.
As regards the first period, it is quite a simplification to consider this period to be a single historical moment. It is not as though the civilization switched off like a lightbulb. At one moment light and then, at the next, dark. Instead, the decline of civilization occurred over a period of numerous decades and was, in fact, already occurring for many years before the so-called period of darkness. Thus, the decline of civilization was not a rapid collapse into barbarism, but instead, was a slow alteration of the cultural milieu of a partition of Europe. Indeed, the Eastern Roman Empire retained much of it’s cultural status during these years of decline!
More importantly, the period following the slow collapse of the Western Empire was much less “dark” than almost every popular telling states. Indeed, even during the period of decline, the seeds for cultural restoration was being sown. A key element of this cultural revival were the formation of monastic communities throughout the countryside of what we now know as Europe. Although these were not the only positive force during these centuries, the monasteries had played an important role in preserving and advancing the cause of culture through at least the thirteenth century and arguably until the Renaissance.
How should the underlined section be changed?
Thus, the decline of civilization was not a rapid collapse into barbarism but, instead, was a slow alteration of the cultural milieu of a portion of Europe.
NO CHANGE
Thus, the decline of civilization was not a rapid collapse into barbarism but, instead, were a slow alteration of the cultural milieu of a portion of Europe.
Thus, the decline of civilization was not a rapid collapse into barbarism, but instead was a slow alteration of the cultural milieu of a portion of Europe.
Thus, the decline of civilization was not a rapid collapse into barbarism but, instead, was a slow alteration of the cultural milieu of a portion of Europe.
As written, this sentence has two issues. The first is its use of a comma directly before the conjunction "but." Such a comma is used only when you have two independent clauses being joined. Since the subject does not change, you do not have two wholly independent clauses. Secondly, the sentence needs a comma before the word "instead" to set that word off from the rest of the sentence, as it slightly interrupts the flow of the main idea.
Example Question #101 : Improving And Correcting Sentences
1 W. Somerset Maugham was a proliferate and English author of more than two dozen books. 2 Born in 1874 and orphaned at a young age, also working as an ambulance driver in World War I and studying medicine in London. 3 Among his life he traveled in Eastern Europe and Southeast Asia, within other places, these experiences were also reflected in his writing. 4 His first novel, Liza of Lambeth, drew on these real-life experiences and became an instant bestseller, when it was published, in 1897. 5 One of Maugham’s most famous works, the American writer Theodore Dreiser gave a glowing review to the 1915 novel Of Human Bondage. 6 His legacy includes many plays, film adaptations, a tumultuous love life, an epigrammatic British literary award (the Somerset Maugham Award), and a steady if unexperimental oeuvre of fiction.
How should Sentence 5 be rewritten?
One of Maugham’s most famous works, the American writer, Theodore Dreiser, gave a glowing review to the 1915 novel Of Human Bondage.
One of Maugham’s most famous works, the American writer Theodore Dreiser gave a glowing review to the 1915 novel Of Human Bondage. (no change)
One of Maugham’s most famous works, the 1915 novel Of Human Bondage, received a glowing review from the American writer Theodore Dreiser.
One of Maugham’s most famous works: 1915 novel Of Human Bondage. Was glowingly reviewed by the American writer Theodore Dreiser.
One of Maugham’s most famous works, the 1915 novel Of Human Bondage gave a glowing review to the American writer Theodore Dreiser.
One of Maugham’s most famous works, the 1915 novel Of Human Bondage, received a glowing review from the American writer Theodore Dreiser.
The original sentence contains a misplaced modifier. The famous work was not the American writer but rather the novel, so we need to rewrite the sentence to accurately reflect this relationship.
Example Question #311 : Sat Writing
Adapted from "Common Sense" by Thomas Paine (1776)
These are the times that try men's souls. The summer soldier and the sunshine patriot will, in this crisis, shrink from the service of their country; but he that stands it now, deserves the love and thanks of man and woman. Tyranny, like hell, is not easily conquered yet we have this consolation with us, that the harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph. What we obtain too cheap, we esteem too lightly: it is expense only that gives every thing its value. Heaven knows how to put a proper price upon its goods. And it would be strange indeed if so heavenly an article as freedom should not be highly rated. Britain, with an army to enforce her tyranny, has declared that she has a right (not only to tax) but "to bind us in all cases whatsoever," and if being bound in that manner, is not slavery, than is there not such a thing as slavery upon earth. Even the expression is sacrilegious; for so unlimited a power can belong only to God.
Replace the underlined portion of this sentence with a version that is clear, precise, and meets the requirements of standard written English.
but whoever can stand the crisis now should have our thanks
but he who can stand serving the country now deserves to be loved
but he who can shrink from the service of our country should be thanked
but whoever serves the country now deserves our love and gratitude
but whoever serves the country now deserves our love and gratitude
The phrase "but whoever serves the country now deserves our love and gratitude" comes closest to reproducing the idea of the original text in contemporary English.
Example Question #312 : Sat Writing
Adapted from "Common Sense" by Thomas Paine (1776)
These are the times that try men's souls. The summer soldier and the sunshine patriot will, in this crisis, shrink from the service of their country; but he that stands it now, deserves the love and thanks of man and woman. Tyranny, like hell, is not easily conquered yet we have this consolation with us, that the harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph. What we obtain too cheap, we esteem too lightly: it is expense only that gives every thing its value. Heaven knows how to put a proper price upon its goods. And it would be strange indeed if so heavenly an article as freedom should not be highly rated. Britain, with an army to enforce her tyranny, has declared that she has a right (not only to tax) but "to bind us in all cases whatsoever," and if being bound in that manner, is not slavery, than is there not such a thing as slavery upon earth. Even the expression is sacrilegious; for so unlimited a power can belong only to God.
Replace the underlined portion of this sentence with a version that is clear, precise, and meets the requirements of standard written English.
country but
country. But
country: but
has been
country; but
country; but
The original punctuation, using a semicolon between two complete sentences on the same topic, is the most appropriate choice here.
Example Question #321 : Sat Writing
Adapted from "Common Sense" by Thomas Paine (1776)
These are the times that try men's souls. The summer soldier and the sunshine patriot will, in this crisis, shrink from the service of their country; but he that stands it now, deserves the love and thanks of man and woman. Tyranny, like hell, is not easily conquered yet we have this consolation with us, that the harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph. What we obtain too cheap, we esteem too lightly: it is expense only that gives every thing its value. Heaven knows how to put a proper price upon its goods. And it would be strange indeed if so heavenly an article as freedom should not be highly rated. Britain, with an army to enforce her tyranny, has declared that she has a right (not only to tax) but "to bind us in all cases whatsoever," and if being bound in that manner, is not slavery, than is there not such a thing as slavery upon earth. Even the expression is sacrilegious; for so unlimited a power can belong only to God.
Replace the underlined portion of this sentence with a version that is clear, precise, and meets the requirements of standard written English.
a right not only to tax, but
a right not only to tax but
a right (not only to tax) but [No Change]
a right, not only to tax but
a right (not only to tax) but [No Change]
The original phrase works well here, since the parentheses take the place of the commas we would normally use to surround a nonrestrictive phrase such as "not only to tax," but none of the other choices surround the phrase with commas like that.
Example Question #1 : Avoiding Ambiguity And Redundancy In A Full Sentence
Replace the underlined portion with the answer choice that results in a sentence that is clear, precise, and meets the requirements of standard written English. One of the answer choices reproduces the underlined portion as it is written in the sentence.
Ella's younger sister was afraid and scared; it was her first time riding a horse.
Ella's younger sister was scared; it was her first time riding a horse.
Ella's younger sister was afraid and scared... it was her first time riding a horse.
Ella's younger sister was afraid and scared; it was their first time riding a horse.
Ella's younger sister was afraid and scared and terrified; it was her first time riding a horse.
Ella's younger sister was afraid and scared; it was her first time riding a horse.
Ella's younger sister was scared; it was her first time riding a horse.
"Afraid and scared" are too similar in meaning to be used together to describe something in a sentence. The correct answer simply removes one of these two words. The rest of the sentence is correct as written.
Example Question #2 : Avoiding Ambiguity And Redundancy In A Full Sentence
1 If you’re wearing clothes right now you’re likely wearing something a sewing machine has produced. 2 But what you may not know is the history of the sewing machine that made your clothes. 3 The device was invented in England during the Industrial Revolution in the late 18th-century. 4 Greatly increasing efficiency by mechanizing the process. 5 Early machines were often used for stitching leather and canvas for various purposes including, horse tack, sails, and shoes. 6 Gradually, other machines emerged that were superior in Europe and America. 7 Famous brands today; include those by 19th century inventor Isaac Singer. 8 As the 1800s progressed sewing machines became purchases for not just clothing manufacturers but individuals.
How should Sentence 2 be rewritten?
But what you may not know is the history of the sewing machine that made your clothes. (no change)
But what you may not know – the history of the sewing machine – is what made your clothes.
But what you may not know is the history of the sewing machine; it made your clothes.
But what you may not know is the history of that machine.
But what you may not know: is the history of the sewing machine.
But what you may not know is the history of that machine.
While Sentence 2 is already grammatically correct, but it is redundant and can be improved. Here, the most concise choice is the right one, and that choice removes the unnecessary addition of the characterization of sewing machines as having made "your clothes" (it also removes an unnecessary and aesthetically unappealing use of the second person, what if, for instance, I made my own clothes? What if I am wearing a knit sweater? This statement is not accurate, since the writer actually has no idea who made every single reader's clothes).
Example Question #2 : Avoiding Ambiguity And Redundancy In A Full Sentence
1 One of America’s most inflammatory early disasters, the Johnstown Flood. 2 It was occurring in 1889 after the collapse of the South Fork Dam in Johnstown, Pennsylvania. 3 Heavy rainfall invigorated a reservoir upriver, causing the dam to burst and more than 20 million tons of water pouring down the Conemaugh River. 4 The Johnstown Flood has been immortalized in poems, novels, songs, and films. 5 The committal flood killed more than 2,000 people and it required the attention of the American Red Cross, Clara Barton, and various lawsuits. 6 Compounding the disaster was the Stone Bridge, causing a fire that killed at least 80 people when burning debris caught fire. 7 Later people would fault the rich business tycoons who had weakened the reservoir for their own leisure, building cottages and a spillway along the dam to create the swarthy South Fork Fishing and Hunting Club.8 Nearly $4 million would be donated to relief funds, for Pennsylvanians the true horror never preceded.
How should Sentence 6 be rewritten?
Causing a fire that killed at least 80 people, burning debris caught fire; compounding the disaster at the Stone Bridge.
Compounding the disaster, burning debris at the Stone Bridge caused a fire that killed at least 80 people.
Compounding the disaster, the Stone Bridge: causing a fire that killed at least 80 people when burning debris caught fire.
Compounding the disaster, the Stone Bridge, causing a fire that killed at least 80 people when burning debris caught fire.
Compounding the disaster was the Stone Bridge, causing a fire that killed at least 80 people when burning debris caught fire. (no change)
Compounding the disaster, burning debris at the Stone Bridge caused a fire that killed at least 80 people.
A full rewrite is necessary to make this sentence both grammatically correct and logical. As the original sentence is grammatically incorrect and overly wordy, making "compounding the disaster" into a clear dependent clause, then making "burning debris" the subject successfully stops the modifier from dangling, and makes the meaning clear and the writing concise.
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